We all are walking in a lane sandwithched between two unknowns, better name it two zeros. Everyday, we are in a search of something different , better be the best !otherwise the worst.But the urge is the difference ! a change !Something we can't visualise! Still the obssessions of this kind are always in our mind .Sometimes, the lucky ones are pleased to have what they longed for, a feeling of contentness, to have what they have been searching for so long. But the transitoriness of time never let it last long. So the search for something unknown and unhappened becomes the life long insanity of we humanbeings.

As we all are well acquinted with the fact that, only the human beings are supernatural of all the living Beings; sandwithsched between the memories of yesterdays and the anticipations of tommorows unfathomably and unerreedemably. Still we are commiting a great mistakes time and again,We are not being what we are !Let meh ask you a question, Are you what you really are? Answers of yes no depends upon the level of understanding we have.The issue is not the nature of the answer ! Important is the self realization of whats going around! atleast around the the insides of oneself! It's all about leading ourself from unreal to real.Matter not be bad or good. Isn't the reality and the realization that really matters?

Then only comes the need of living in present so that we can believe in present.Infact, we are searching for a corner in a round room. No one !no god ! have the answers for the questions we have been searching for so long. God of almighty god is you and only you ;and me and only me for myself. Let other you answer your questions first of all, let him decide for your missions and goals, let him get close to yourself.At least lets be a master of ourselves!!

Yes, my dear readers you are confused .......Might be wondering what this fool is saying? So, I say no confusion! No Thinking ! No feeling ! No believing ! It's all about geting nearer to yourself. No you are commiting a mistake ! If you are listening to this fool or the somebody other except you. Dont be a fool to listen to this ninkompooop. Cool yourself so that you can listen to yoourself . Just feel the feeling to listen to yourself.The other you is very soft and polite. Do concerntrate, little knowledge taken from him could result to be dangerous otherwise. So gotta devote time for other you, listen till he makes you listen. Now if you are really listening and obeying yourself, Can you belive you are going to be "what you really are" which we were never before.We got what we were searching for, only then! As the matter of fact our search is for ourselves.We are being what we are !!!!not just a public june frog...........................................................................For our innsane search is over forever......


Lets change the topic where we were. Now let us be with a boy who wants to make his maama smile who is.................


TO SEE MY MAMA SMILE

PLaying is cool but not as long as my frens ,
For they can play till they want ,
Being a thin and a pale child of poor maaaaaaaa,
As She talks to so many good old people about me.....,
Every time it seems no hope in her eyes ...,
What I could understnad was she is in some trouble cause of meh....,

I woke early in the morning and studied quite hard ,
so I stood first in the class,
Happy is she not as I expected........
still worm like griefs knawing at her existencne.....,
furhter more I stopped going far off places near the river ,
literally stopped all those naughty things maa supposed to be....,
I am so sorry! I am so sorry!
why only I couldnt make you smile ????????

For my paapa is drunkard a psychosomatic ..
nothing he could make us feel high...,
.but I really turned myself a shover little child.....,
Maaa why theres no smile in your face ?
What this son can do to make you feel high ?.....always smile....,

Once I was taken to the hospital named Kanti ......,
So many people visited, always gave some money ........,
They really loved and cared me....came again and again..
...even hugged this underpviledged "saarki" child ,
wooouh, I've never been so loved by these many people
like the way they did.....!
But money and love also could make my maa smile...,
Really curiuos son searching for a reason maaaaaaa..........,

Once I was Staring at the dull walls of the hospital room ,
New visitor came and adrressed me Bimal.....,
First such visitor without a smile and calling by my name......,
He has gotta a newspaper which he wanted me to show ,
Eyes get struck into the heading
"Blood cancer in Bimal Nepali from shyangja counting his last days cause of poorness of his parents"
I liked to thank that strange visitor who had all the answers
I was longing to know so long ago....,
But he has evacuated leaving Rupeee two hundred near my pillow.....,

More visitors came and loved this poor child ......,
One day when the money for my treatment was managed by god of gods,
That day my maa smiled.........,
When I hear people talking about least chances of my survival....,
Now I have a kind of energy from heaven that assures me that
I will be allright to see my mama smile....,

Hey my maaa Its really nice to see ya smile after so long......,
and you looked very motherly when you smile....,
To make my maa smile I ll be allright.......,




....is an eleven year old boy from Shyangja.Bimal Nepali(Saarki) is suffering from blood cancer.He is currently undergoing treatment in Kanti Baal Hospital.He shares his ambition of becoming a doctor in future with this writer.

On behalf of Bimal and his poor family ,I would like to aprreiciate Miss Sabina Thapa Ex_student of nec for managing the costs and services for the treatment of poor Bimal with the richest ambiton.Also,Pujan shrestha rhythm giutarist and vocaist of Tripitak ,Salil Bhatarai, Santosh Adhikari ,Laxman Thapa, Rupak Bastola ,Soni Singh and Nire deserves appriciation for their urge for the humanity to save a poor child.Bimal will be always thankful to all the Nepal Engineering college students for their suppot in fund raising for his traetment.As the saying goes "What do not change is the will to change",people such as Mina shah from Deaf and Dumb school,Lainchour being so cooperative in raising funds from the school teachers are always respected. They lived part of their life for the helpless.With least hope of recovery from doctor in the beginnig, now he has successfully undergone the first cycle of treatment.

Lastly,I hope we all will never let the children die just because their father and mother are poor at least,is it humanity to let the child get punishment of early death because not his, but his family poorness? There are so many organizations to help the poor creatures in this world ; wonders this fool is there any organization that helps not the poor people like themselves but like Bimal Nepali.We are in search for them ,We have too many genuine problems going around.If you are the real social persons ,we are waiting for you.


Yearning a life Occupied of Legends
Samasitoshna Maanchhe.......

Today let me share my experience of meeting with our political leaders.
It was 31st of January ’06. It was the last paper of the internal assessment exam. Kalyan Kishore Ghimire , a friend of mine told that he is allowed to meet his father only on Wednesdays and Sundays. His father Krishna Kishore ghimire was abducted in charge of royal crime or so. We could see his father far behind talking with the representatives from British Embassy along with the other diplomats. Other political figures there were Pradip Giri , Bimalendra Nidhi, and so many others. Krishna uncle saw us and came to join us living other people there in the talk. The formal “how, where and what abouts” were exchanged for a while. In that course he even introduced us with many political leaders. I felt like asking some questions which were etched deep inside my heart for a long time. The questions were obvious.
But the armed police officers were keeping a close eye upon us. Still I asked Krishna uncle about the mission, vision and the strategy of the ongoing protest movement of seven party alliance of Nepal. Yes he tried his best to convince me about their vision and the perspective, but I was throwing questions after questions. My question was “What is the role of the youth like us in this movement? Who leads us? How to contribute? Are contribution mere throwing stones in the street? What will be the output?”

His answers were as follows .He told “To be a leader or to contribute to the society one has top expose and explore himself or herself.” Still my question was not how to become a leader rather it was in behalf of the youths who are in the state of confusion of what is right and what is wrong. May be he is right in his perspective that every youth must be a good leader! Still the role of we like youths couldn’t be defined properly. Yes he supported my view that the country should be led by youths rather the corrupt old ones, not all but many are corrupt in my view. Yet he has no appropriate answers to convince me how they will work in order to handover the leadership to the youths and involve them in the overall issues related to Nepal. Regarding other questions I found the generalized answers.

Still we were having a hot discussions .Should say , Pradip Gigri was also watching us discussing and may be he was also listening our conversation. Kalyan was insisting me to end the discussions and return back to the college .Our discussion wasn’t over.

In the mean time, Krishna Kishore Ghimire invited us to their room a common barrack of armed police force. He wanted me to put my questions to Pradip Giri. As far as I remember he was not much interested on my questions. After repeated request by Krishna Uncle he spoke a bit.
My question again was the same but in the different notion. The question was “As we have a timeline prepared in advance while doing the engineering projects, do you have any time line prepared for this movement?”
Rather than answering direct to the point answers to my question. He was blaming the technical students not for being involved in the political activities. May be he was right to blame as technical people are involved with their profession so much that only a few happen to get involved actively in the politics. On my question, what could be the role of the youth for the support of the movement?”His straight forward answer was Strike. But how and where was not included in that answer.
After having told all these he requested Bimalendra Nidhi to continue with my questions .He told their vision not the strategy. He told “There will be reinstatement of the house of the representatives. However the representatives will be from all the seven party alliance and the interim government will be formed. So formed interim government will in turn conduct the the election of the constitution ceremony. The government formed after that will hold dialogues with Maoists .Then there will be formation of government in which Maoists will also be included along with the seven parties. The problem of army of Maoists will be solved by the grand discussions of the so formed government.”
In this answer neither I Could find the strategy nor the the particular output. Yes there was a vision but vision without strategies is the root cause of the failure of the past Governments in Nepal.
He suggested us to come out in the street in protest of the autocracy of the king. Should say he simply asked us to throw stones to the police and the army people.
Yes I am also one of the responsible youth who believes in democracy and who supports the movement for restoring democracy. However instead of saying the contribution of the youth was just to throw stones in the street. We would be encouraged and build the faith upon our political leaders, if they could define us their strategy, timeline and the output of the movement. A technical student like me and kalyan could have understood their best contributions ourselves.
So it’s high time for the political leaders to sit quietly for more than a month in a sound place and give a serious thought on how they are going to march this nation if their demands are fulfilled rather only having protests. Most of the developed countries are there where they are now is because of their brains, action plan and strategies rather than only protests. Yes! if we can take that way its better we take this as a chance for the political leaders to make plans and policies, strategies, action plans so that within a fixed timeline our country can raise its head in front of the world boldly. Mere gathering of political leaders will not lead us any where rather the intellectual people from different disciplines and the youth representatives should be included. With rigid action plan developed that way should be revised repeatedly such that all the mistakes made before are checked and there is a clear sign that our country will lead to the correct direction. Bottom line is that political parties, political leaders better focus on the paper work and then proceed towards protests and other things.
In their current vision, I couldn’t get to listen the words that were related to the youth.
Despite the facts that, most of the educated youth are going outside the country for different purposes and many of them are already settled there. The middle educated youths are outside the country like Malaysia, Arabian Countries and in India etc. to earn money for bread and butter for their family. Also the majority of the today’s youth are inclined towards various drug addictions to the extent inexplicable.
Yes it isn’t too late to start but it is already late to think about the future nation builders .Primary concern should be to how to maximize the youth in the development of the country. In this regard an approach towards forming a separate youth ministry is also welcoming.
Many youths are in the jungle with the Maoists. The remaining little are in the streets throwing stones for the personal benefits of the so called political leaders. Lastly the youth like us are going to college or office everyday and having chats in the coffee shops. We are discussing the present scenario. We are very clear that we are in favor of Democracy. Still we don’t want again the same old political leaders like Girija Prasad Koirala and other leaders of the generation gone. There should be a change in the leadership. There should be a change in vision .With the changed vision youth will be able to make strategy. With the proper following of the strategy we will certainly have the desired output.
The technology is changed, vision is changed, and lifestyle is changed. So why not a change in the leadership of our nation. Hey senior leaders your retirement time has come .Please stop asking Pashupati nath for the minister’s Seat again.
Today’s Nepal needs a youth leaders like Gagan Thapa and other good youth leaders. I apologise for knowing only Gagan Thapa as the youth Leader. However the youth leaders who can have their well defined vision, Strategy and the rigid timeline to make this Nepal a better place to live in are always welcomed. Yes we want Democracy! We want democracy! Also, we want the retirement of the old leaders. The bottom line is the change in Leadership.
What if the senior leaders just help the youth leaders restore the democracy ,teaches to lead the country when we are spiritually, mentally sound and energetic.


Email:sudiparyal@hotmail.com